Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
