Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
