just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
