Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
