This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
