Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
