i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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