Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
