It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
