JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
