She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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