Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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