I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
