Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
