I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
