Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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