I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
