I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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