UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
