Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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