i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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