woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
