Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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