So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
