apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
