so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
