She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
a search helicopter?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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