does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
