Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
