But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she pinky promised me she was 18
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
