Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
