Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
