i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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