TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
