Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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