i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
