Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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