apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
