you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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