We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this boner is exhausting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
