You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
