If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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