Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
