Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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