All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
