Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
