He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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