I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
