i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
