I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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