my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
