The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
