omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
