maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
