Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
