I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
