can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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