I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
