I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
