watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
