3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
