You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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