JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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