I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
