Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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