The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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