God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
