I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
