Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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