i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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