well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
