and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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