my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
