Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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