On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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