mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
