i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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