Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
