Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
